Comment History

on 22 Roots

22 Comments

Blog: Numbers
Lloyd13z
5

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A little background: This is my first time posting since I was told to leave by Pseudo himself, after attempting to explain what I'm about to go into again. Sorry if this post is unwelcome, but his metaphor gives me opportunity to approach my past point in the same way.

  Spoiler:
Blog: Weekly Update
Lloyd13z
2

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Lloyd13z 25 United States CholericMelancholic INTJ 22C
I will gladly leave. You claim I don't understand, which means you haven't read half of what I've said. Yet again with this treatment. You don't exactly have the right to be frustrated by a random person on the internet, when all you act like to others IS a random person on the internet.

Yes, this is YOUR website. And that's all it is. That's all you use it for. This is no better than a private blog or a school assignment website. You don't view the community here as a community, nor the people here as people. And that will be what leads people away from this site, as well as what leads you further into loneliness. Again, this "home that you built for yourself" is one of the last resources you have. I am only waiting until that vanishes too, and the reason will solely be your own misuse of it.

And for the record? You are the one who doesn't understand me. I never said I minded you talking about "the workings of your mind and heart." In fact, I enjoyed reading those, and attempted to help in every place I could (and that you let me). I also very clearly said I'm not trying to force you into anything. I only wanted you to see people here for who we are. And I can't even get that out of you. But of course, that was my point all along. You stopped viewing me as an intelligent person (if you ever did) and instead generalized my thoughts and actions into something against you. Thank you for that.

So yes, I'll take my leave. And I sincerely hope no one else follows suit.
Blog: Weekly Update
Lloyd13z
0

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Lloyd13z 25 United States CholericMelancholic INTJ 22C
I have been asked to leave, but I'll gladly respond. You ignored my point: What do you do when you keep trying a method and it continues to fail? Do you continue a failed method, each time hoping the result is MASSIVELY different? That's a definition of insanity. And the only outcome is pushing oneself further and further down.

So why continue to be all "Oh, I still support you Pseudo and I hope things go well!" and "I wish I could be the friend you need" which obviously hasn't changed anything? Yes, Pseudo has said being harsh isn't the right thing to do. But is being kind right either? It's NOT working. Look around, there's proof of that everywhere. You have two years of blog posts to see that. Kindness goes ignored and unappreciated. And it's not anyone's fault that it's not working. The reason is because Pseudo doesn't respect the kind words, and he hates the harsh ones. There's plenty of proof of that too, see the links I gave him earlier. So what's left for those who want to help, hm?

I'm not asking him to do anything out of the ordinary. You're misreading me because you are yet another person who will defend Pseudo until he destroys himself. You're right, it's not a grand solution. It's not a one-size-fits-all thing. But would you agree that the people who use this site use it to revolve around Pseudo? If you do, then you agree that Pseudo has a community around him. And you should be able to see how he treats that community is terrible, and it could be better. Which is why my "solution" could work for him. For him and him alone - not many are in the situation he has here.

Again, I'm not asking for a miracle. I'm not trying to get him to change. Just to realize that there are PEOPLE here. Other HUMANS who he has the ability to connect with. And by "has the ability," I've already said the foundation is there. People respect him here. If he gave them a tiny bit of time, he could make connections here. Not friends, I know that. Again, I understand him better than you give me credit. But he could make connections with other humans, and use those to entertain his mind and thoughts. Help break him away from his isolation in real life. This site could be a stepping stone, a tool used for his benefit... and yet all I see him doing is using it to vent and neglect, never to interact.

And lastly, before you say that there were nicer ways to say this, believe me I have tried. That lack of respect for kind words? I have approached Pseudo MANY times. I can't emphasize that enough. This comment chain is literally the first time he has given a response. Errors on the site, questions about the games, all the way to more serious stuff... NEVER have I gotten a response. And have any of you seen progress down a path you have "suggested nicely?" Because I haven't seen him take any steps that weren't decided by him, for him. Again I have to ask - what is left for those who want to help him?

Since I've been ignored and told to leave, I will. I apologize that I likely won't see or respond to further conversation, but I do hope I have raised awareness of an issue. Obviously not to Pseudo himself, but maybe I can give thoughts that others can work with, and maybe my actions will affect those Pseudo WILL listen to, in time. That's my last hope, small as it may be.
Blog: Weekly Update
Lloyd13z
1

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Lloyd13z 25 United States CholericMelancholic INTJ 22C
That kind of action solves nothing. It's his choice to ignore my words, like he has in the past. But that choice doesn't fall on my shoulders, like not speaking does. I have been holding these thoughts for a long time. I've tried nicer approaches, and I've seen many many others try similar niceties. If Pseudo ignores what he labels tactful and helpful, then logically the best thing to do is try what paths remain.

I'm tired of seeing this site solely be a mirror for his thoughts, as I defined before. All the user replies have all these neutral-positive phrases that say "We can't help, but support you nonetheless." Those posts go ignored. All the negative posts, like my own, are torn down. Logically, this will remain the case until someone successfully opens people's eyes, and maybe not just Pseudo's. I'm taking a shot to that end. It doesn't exactly matter where I end up. I'm ignored if I'm silent; I'm ignored if I'm nice. Who cares if I'm ignored here?
Blog: Weekly Update
Lloyd13z
0

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Lloyd13z 25 United States CholericMelancholic INTJ 22C
[Aside, I do not garner anger on the internet. I speak with as much tact as I can muster, but this is not a happy topic overall. I do understand, as I will show, but I do not agree. I am only debating, and will not take offense to anything in your words.]

To simply reply to your two major points:
In the first paragraph, you respond with something I've already clarified against: That response you gave is dismissive to EVERYONE's words simply because you are under the impression that Pseudo has "already thought of it all." Can you not see the faulty logic there? If he had thought of EVERY scenario, he wouldn't still be trying to figure anything out. Period. He would have his solution or he would have given up. I'm simply saying that beneath all the hate, there might be something to trigger an idea. And that is completely lost when he "completely clears his PM box" without reading or, to paraphrase you again, groups "casual conversation" in with "what really bothers him."

To the rest, tell me: What would you do in Pseudo's situation? I said I FEAR he will end up failing. I base that on my own experiences, but also observations of this site over the years. Look around, my friend. EVERYONE tells Pseudo "I'm sure things will be great!" because many are afraid of the backlash of speaking against him. He has enough of that praise. People have urged Miasmon on for well over a year. Show me the results of that. Show me where all that you defend has proven helpful. Show me, prove it to me, that I'm not doing the right thing, AND that others who do as you say are helping. Do that, and I will apologize for my words with sincerity, and stand beside him once again. But as I've said, you've already contradicted yourself there. Kind words are lost when he simply clears them out, or in any other way ignores them. Same with negative criticism, which is my real point.

Lastly, you are defining yourself as one of those who would defend Pseudo until the moment he gives up, and then try to convince him not to. You aren't helping either, just as much as you claim I'm not. If Pseudo isn't gaining from your words now, you won't help to prevent him from giving up. No, I'm not a doctor. But I'm intelligent enough to see the signs. And if this is the only way I can be heard, or to maybe open up a strong possibility for him (read my response to Pseudo), then I will take it, in all hopes that my intelligence and logic do not falter. I'm not trying to tell Pseudo to change how he feels. I'm not trying to tell him something he hasn't thought of. But I am trying to urge him to take action. To use the resource this site can be to someone with anxiety. And to consider others for what we are worth, not for what we ascribe to. That much is within his grasp, and it's a matter of him realizing it, instead of pursuing the aimless things he has been (a female to bond with, for starters). [And to me, doing so will be a start to truly achieving his current goals now.]
Blog: Weekly Update
Lloyd13z
2

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Lloyd13z 25 United States CholericMelancholic INTJ 22C
The facts that I can see, in this post and over time: 1. You had one person, and are looking to replace that very person. To that end you shut out every single person who doesn't fit that bill. Objective or not, I haven't seen a single connection that you've made, and failed attempts at restoring it with another person. 2. People ONLY find this site because of your games. You built the community THROUGH your games, but that's all you've done here. No one would find "fighunter" unless they were searching the games or the game developer. So it's not "many people," it's EVERYone here. I found it through Mardek, to give an example.

Now, what my original words meant: Maybe you don't need to be friends with anyone here. Maybe you can't, and maybe you shouldn't try. But this is one of the last major resources you DO have. And I haven't seen you use it at all. There are humans here too, Pseudo. How many of us do you know specific things about? You don't have to be friends with them, but this IS the internet. There are ways you CAN connect without being friends. I've moderated two gaming forums and beta tested several games. I understand these communities better than most. And I mean hell, people already respect you as the creator of this site and many games. The foundation for a connection, be it leader/follower or anything else, is ALREADY THERE. But you haven't used it all, as far as I've seen. And every time you make a post that limits what can and can't be said, and everytime you generalize us into your personality systems instead of giving us individuality (not all objective people view you as a lab specimen, that's solely how you respond to us) you sever your ability to connect with us. It's something your words are ruining for you, and without this site, where else will you turn?

This site could be a VERY useful stepping stone. Learning how to connect with the numerous and varied people here could be a good way to learn what people expect, and how to react. You could learn how to draw people you desire in, and how to effectively get the results you seek. It could improve relations in various ways. But recently, since you finished CBC, I haven't seen you try at all.

Some examples... there have been a couple blog posts which might look like attempts, like this one: ∞ Fig Hunter ∞ , but you turned that mostly about yourself and I only saw a couple personal replies. Over time you even let us know that it was for your personal reasons; being to find females to connect with. Then there was this one: ∞ Fig Hunter ∞ which was great! ...Until it seemed you completely ignored them overall. No responses from you., and it still felt like you did it only for yourself.

Something you should realize - as IN_J's, we both understand things a lot, and we both like to look from our own point of view. But you should see that simply staying in your own point of view has yet to produce results, as this blog post clearly shows. The foundations of your search and your methods have GOT to change, else I and others fear it's something you'll never get out of. And as I said, you have the means to do it, right in front of you. I don't think I need to point out every limitation you give to posters here, the times you've said you ignore us, and the times where it feels like you are demeaning us to your own sense of knowledge. If these things don't stop... well, we aren't really a community to you anymore.
Blog: Weekly Update
Lloyd13z
3

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Lloyd13z 25 United States CholericMelancholic INTJ 22C
Firstly, don't speak as if I don't understand anxiety disorders. Mental health concerns are strewn about my life as well. I have cyclothymia, which has forced me to drop out of a Public Ivy League College. My gf is conflicted with severe anxiety, much like Pseudo himself, except she also has phobias and hypoglycemia, which make her impossible to diagnose. My mother is Bipolar Type 1, my father and sister are abusive with Borderline Personality Disorder, and my gf's family also have medical issues. So what I say next, I say with confidence and knowledge, and certainly not the general "wrong opinion."

What I've seen in the past two years is mostly just Psuedo trying to take on everything by himself. I understand the reason, but it obviously hasn't worked at all. What I'm afraid of? He'll get his new laptop. He'll finish Miasmon. And absolutely nothing will change. Because neither of these solve any real problems. It's just his way of coping, but these will continue to prevent him from doing anything. It's a downward spiral, and every time he posts some "new endeavor" to help "better himself" or "break him out of his funk," I can't help but wonder why he hasn't considered that his methods aren't working. Because I truly believe that finishing Miasmon is going to slam Pseudo into a giant brick wall, one where he can't start any new projects, and there won't be any projects for him to scapegoat his problems on. And that is a position that's near impossible to get out of.

Now, what do I actually see him doing about this? I see him telling us not to give him advice. I see him ignoring the words of anyone who doesn't fit his liking (that is, ignoring males, ignoring teens, ignoring INTJs...). And I see him constantly telling us he's trying new things, but they are always failing. I have personally approached him several times in private, and never about anything serious or negative. Just sort of casual talk. And I have NEVER received a response. Even when it was just a casual question about the site. It made it even worse when he said that he was blatantly ignoring comments, PMs, and negative blurbs and the like. To me, if you have a problem, you should take in as many ideas as you can. You never know where a solution might come from. But all I've seen him do is ignore or mock anything that isn't to his liking. Prove me wrong there, and I'll take back my words.

Yes, sometimes things are tough. It's especially tough when your own mind doesn't want to cooperate with you, that much I'm living myself. But something I've learned, and pretty much the only thing that kept me on a stable path in my life? If you keep throwing the same things at a problem, you will never fix it. Psuedo has been searching for his "soul mate" for how long now? A girl, INFJ, adult, etc... and he's been ignoring the comments of others about this. Not only that, he specifically tells us to NOT talk about this, and gets mad when we do. Tell me how that falls under OPENmindedness? To me, an openminded person would accept the opinions of those not in his specific search, especially when that search is failing to yield results. Tell me why it's impossible that someone speaking negatively COULD (not is, but COULD) be the key to helping him out of this mess? Because obviously, looking at the happy comments alone isn't helping him at all.
Blog: Weekly Update
Lloyd13z
8

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If I may ask, do you have anyone who you DO speak to regularly? And I don't mean random people here. I mean someone who can tell you good things AND bad, someone who can bounce ideas (on anything, not just games) around for you and someone who will actually respond? Doesn't matter who, just a voice that you can have real communication with.

This is the most tactful way I can ask this, and I'm aware that's subpar at best. But honestly... every post you make, you say "Don't tell me things I don't want to hear" in some way, shape, or form. And your (yes, YOUR) community shoots down those who disobey, in addition to your own ignoring or mocking them. You have removed the ability to speak anonymously on this site, but that doesn't matter - you had already stated you blatantly ignored any negativity on the old site, tactful or not. So from the outside looking in, all I can see is you suffering, and not actually facing it WITH anyone. You've been struggling on your own for how long? Have you considered opinions of others at all in that time? And while people might not be able to help or understand, you are grouping in the critically-minded WITH the immature, under a guise that you have to ignore anything negative at all costs. And I feel you are ignoring anything that MIGHT give you a different perspective AT ALL. Almost as if you believe you HAVE thought of everything, and think that anyone who questions that is immediately false. Which is a terrible circle of logic that will never lead to a breakthrough, if the past 2 years have shown us nothing else.

I'm aware that I will be hated for this. But to be honest, better to be hated than to be null and ignored. With all the dissent, and a warning in EVERY blog post not to voice it... with the literal nonexistence of productivity on a "Development Blog" and no signs of that changing in months... and with the seemingly consistent deterioration of your own stability and mind... What purpose DOES this website serve, other than to mirror your own thoughts, Pseudo? Have you EVER gotten an idea from this site that you accepted that WASN'T your own (or a variation thereof)? Or did they all die in the midst of the negativity you ignore and tear down? If you are using this site in the state it is in to fulfill the role I stated to begin with, I'm afraid to say you will never find any true release, and that there is no longer a point in being here. For me, for the community, and for you.
Blog: Flitting around
Lloyd13z
0

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I asked a very good friend of mine, art major and commission artist, to critique your drawing for my personal knowledge. I can pass on what he said (he was harsh, but he praised it highly) if you want. I don't want to sound overly pressing or anything, so just let me know ^^.
Blog: INFJ
Lloyd13z
0

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Lloyd13z 25 United States CholericMelancholic INTJ 22C
Pseudo, not to sound advertising or anything like that, but I sent you a PM with ideas expressed along similar lines to this. I dunno if you got to it yet, but I expressed an interest in your thoughts on the matter surrounding this. It was long and possibly negative-looking, so I just thought I'd give you a heads up if you pre-judged it or possibly passed by it. Feel free to ignore this, lol ^o^