Commenting on websites is interesting, and I often wonder why some people do it. I never do; I watch some sites that interest me, but feel like I'd be intruding or something if I ever actually commented, so I don't.
There may be many people who read what I write here but never say anything... If you're one of them, then I ask you to now speak up here! Maybe tell us or me a bit about yourself, or something like that. I'm rather curious about the sorts of silent visitors the site gets.
If you do post here regularly, then please don't post here...!
7 days ago
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History
Hello there, lurkers! - 1 week agoConfidence-Building - 1 week agoWeekly Update - 2 weeks agoGetting back to Miasmon... - 2 weeks agoYawn! D: - 3 weeks agoWeekly Update - 3 weeks agoNew Year's Resolutions - 4 weeks agoLess than a year left to live now!1 - 4 weeks agoWhat am I doing?! - 1 month agoIt's Christmas - 1 month ago
Confidence-Building1 week ago
◊ Posted by 
A Pseudolonewolf 
A Pseudolonewolf
I mentioned a 'confidence-building' class in the last post, and went to it on Monday. Some people expressed curiosity about how it might have gone, so I'll tell you...
Unfortunately, it was not really what I was hoping it'd be... I originally went hoping that I might meet other shy, anxious young people who I could be friends with - since I don't have any in-person friends at the moment, as I keep saying, and that's been getting to me more and more lately - but I was basically the only one of the nine of us in the class who wasn't middle-aged...
I lack confidence in the sense that I struggle to do activities such as going into a shop, or talking to people, but these people seemed to lack confidence in the fact that they were not attractive, their partner had left them, or things like that, which brought down their self-esteem...
So it seems we were using different definitions of the word 'confidence'. They had no 'inner confidence', while I lack 'outer confidence'.
We were given an activity to do, which was, uh... well, it didn't engage me on an intellectual level, I'll say that much, nor did it increase my confidence at all since it was aimed at improving self-esteem-type confidence rather than active, pragmatic confidence.
It was a mildly beneficial thing in that I felt more confident after it just because I'd managed to do it at all... My social anxiety makes leaving the house at all a horrible experience, a painful ordeal, and the thought of going to sit for two hours in a room full of strangers was horrifying to me; I barely slept the night before, and thought I'd likely have a panic attack.
I didn't, though, which makes me think I might be able to do other things like that in the future, so maybe THEN I'll meet people...
But sigh... Whatever little confidence boost I got from that was shattered by yet more 'personal stuff' that came up afterwards, unrelated to it... I feel terrible now, and the motivation I had for composing has apparently left me, been blown away by news that's hard to swallow...
I'm not going to go into more detail here though, not because I don't want to, but because it wouldn't be a good thing to do.
I'm going to try to keep working on Miasmon, but I am feeling rather horrible right now... I really wish it were easy to meet people, friends, in the UK, who I could meet and associate with and relate to, people around my age who shared my interests and outlook...
But sigh, I keep trying and I never seem to find anyone... Everyone else seems so 'ordinary', and I can't relate to them at all.
At the confidence-building course, there was one middle-aged man who seemed like a bundle of worries and anxiety, and looking at him, I thought 'I bet that'll be me in a couple of decades'... My future looks rather bleak at the moment.
Unfortunately, it was not really what I was hoping it'd be... I originally went hoping that I might meet other shy, anxious young people who I could be friends with - since I don't have any in-person friends at the moment, as I keep saying, and that's been getting to me more and more lately - but I was basically the only one of the nine of us in the class who wasn't middle-aged...
I lack confidence in the sense that I struggle to do activities such as going into a shop, or talking to people, but these people seemed to lack confidence in the fact that they were not attractive, their partner had left them, or things like that, which brought down their self-esteem...
So it seems we were using different definitions of the word 'confidence'. They had no 'inner confidence', while I lack 'outer confidence'.
We were given an activity to do, which was, uh... well, it didn't engage me on an intellectual level, I'll say that much, nor did it increase my confidence at all since it was aimed at improving self-esteem-type confidence rather than active, pragmatic confidence.
It was a mildly beneficial thing in that I felt more confident after it just because I'd managed to do it at all... My social anxiety makes leaving the house at all a horrible experience, a painful ordeal, and the thought of going to sit for two hours in a room full of strangers was horrifying to me; I barely slept the night before, and thought I'd likely have a panic attack.
I didn't, though, which makes me think I might be able to do other things like that in the future, so maybe THEN I'll meet people...
But sigh... Whatever little confidence boost I got from that was shattered by yet more 'personal stuff' that came up afterwards, unrelated to it... I feel terrible now, and the motivation I had for composing has apparently left me, been blown away by news that's hard to swallow...
I'm not going to go into more detail here though, not because I don't want to, but because it wouldn't be a good thing to do.
I'm going to try to keep working on Miasmon, but I am feeling rather horrible right now... I really wish it were easy to meet people, friends, in the UK, who I could meet and associate with and relate to, people around my age who shared my interests and outlook...
But sigh, I keep trying and I never seem to find anyone... Everyone else seems so 'ordinary', and I can't relate to them at all.
At the confidence-building course, there was one middle-aged man who seemed like a bundle of worries and anxiety, and looking at him, I thought 'I bet that'll be me in a couple of decades'... My future looks rather bleak at the moment.
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Weekly Update2 weeks ago
◊ Posted by A Pseudolonewolf
A Pseudolonewolf
It is Sunday so here is a Weekly Update that I am writing I hope you find it useful!!11!11
Yes. Well, uh, I've got work done on Miasmon this week! Which is good. I've been making areas. The first chapter won't be very long; it's basically a town, a route, and two dungeons, and I've now done the town, route, and one of the dungeons. There aren't any plot events in them yet, or NPCs or anything; I've decided to sort of make the 'skeleton' of the game first - the empty areas and the transitions between them - then add stuff to them after they're all done, which isn't what I usually do, so I might find out it's better to do things this way.
Excitingly though, I have now composed three pieces of music for Miasmon! One yesterday, and then two today; I've spent basically all day today composing. It feels good, because it's been ages since I successfully composed anything, and struggling with the music for this game has been really putting me off working on it.
I can probably finish the entire soundtrack in a week if I put my mind to it, so I'm hoping to do that next week. It'll make the whole game feel 'almost complete' if I can achieve that... even though there's still quite a bit left to do. Mainly stuff like the visual and sound effects for skills, and several monsters which haven't been drawn yet, as well as some other boring technical things.
Oh, all the engine stuff is done, though; it was done a while ago. Now I'm just having to make the content.
On a personal note, I may or may not be going to some kind of 'confidence-building class' tomorrow, which says a lot about me, I suppose... As does the fact that I'm scared of it and may not even end up having the confidence to go. o_O
It would be interesting to meet people there so then I might have some in-person friends finally, but I'm not getting my hopes up at all. Maybe it'll just be attended by a bunch of housewives and old men with Asperger's or something, I don't have a clue.
But why am I mentioning it here?
In my last blog post, about Miasmon, I included a bit about how I didn't want to receive advice, and that I'm actually able to come up with things without relying on the amazing spontaneous wisdom of teenagers from the internet, or something like that.
Actually, it was a lot milder than that, and I seem to be exaggerating here for some reason.
Someone contacted me saying that it was offensive, that bit, and I wonder if anyone else got that impression.
Apparently it came across as me suggesting I'm superior and that my own wisdom is better than other peoples' or something like that, which isn't what I meant at all.
What I meant is that I get some really banal 'advice' or 'suggestions' sometimes that are unintentionally patronising because they implicitly say that I can't come up with the most obvious of things myself.
For example, I've had 'suggestions' before like 'in MARDEK 3, you should include more weapons than in MARDEK 2'.
I feel irritated when I read things like that, because, well, did the person think I wouldn't do that unless he chipped in and offered his sagely wisdom?
I know people like that are just trying to help, but after being on the receiving end of such patronisingly obvious suggestions or advice for years now, I'm really bitter about it and less tolerant than I should be. It's why I write things like this, and another recent post, to explain how I don't really like advice.
I just want to make it clear that I don't think I'm better than anyone, and I'm sure that many of you really do have wonderful ideas... But often with my own projects, making decisions requires knowledge of details I can't reveal, so suggestions for what I should do are usually for really obvious things, or they're incompatible with what I want to do, or what I'm able to do.
I just don't like having to say 'no' all the time, and it's not possible to say 'yes' to everyone.
I get advice about my personal life, too, from people who don't understand how Social Anxiety works... which is difficult to deal with, hmm.
Anyway, I'm glad to be making progress on Miasmon again! I'm hoping to have it done soon... but I've probably been saying that for months.
Yes. Well, uh, I've got work done on Miasmon this week! Which is good. I've been making areas. The first chapter won't be very long; it's basically a town, a route, and two dungeons, and I've now done the town, route, and one of the dungeons. There aren't any plot events in them yet, or NPCs or anything; I've decided to sort of make the 'skeleton' of the game first - the empty areas and the transitions between them - then add stuff to them after they're all done, which isn't what I usually do, so I might find out it's better to do things this way.
Excitingly though, I have now composed three pieces of music for Miasmon! One yesterday, and then two today; I've spent basically all day today composing. It feels good, because it's been ages since I successfully composed anything, and struggling with the music for this game has been really putting me off working on it.
I can probably finish the entire soundtrack in a week if I put my mind to it, so I'm hoping to do that next week. It'll make the whole game feel 'almost complete' if I can achieve that... even though there's still quite a bit left to do. Mainly stuff like the visual and sound effects for skills, and several monsters which haven't been drawn yet, as well as some other boring technical things.
Oh, all the engine stuff is done, though; it was done a while ago. Now I'm just having to make the content.
On a personal note, I may or may not be going to some kind of 'confidence-building class' tomorrow, which says a lot about me, I suppose... As does the fact that I'm scared of it and may not even end up having the confidence to go. o_O
It would be interesting to meet people there so then I might have some in-person friends finally, but I'm not getting my hopes up at all. Maybe it'll just be attended by a bunch of housewives and old men with Asperger's or something, I don't have a clue.
But why am I mentioning it here?
In my last blog post, about Miasmon, I included a bit about how I didn't want to receive advice, and that I'm actually able to come up with things without relying on the amazing spontaneous wisdom of teenagers from the internet, or something like that.
Actually, it was a lot milder than that, and I seem to be exaggerating here for some reason.
Someone contacted me saying that it was offensive, that bit, and I wonder if anyone else got that impression.
Apparently it came across as me suggesting I'm superior and that my own wisdom is better than other peoples' or something like that, which isn't what I meant at all.
What I meant is that I get some really banal 'advice' or 'suggestions' sometimes that are unintentionally patronising because they implicitly say that I can't come up with the most obvious of things myself.
For example, I've had 'suggestions' before like 'in MARDEK 3, you should include more weapons than in MARDEK 2'.
I feel irritated when I read things like that, because, well, did the person think I wouldn't do that unless he chipped in and offered his sagely wisdom?
I know people like that are just trying to help, but after being on the receiving end of such patronisingly obvious suggestions or advice for years now, I'm really bitter about it and less tolerant than I should be. It's why I write things like this, and another recent post, to explain how I don't really like advice.
I just want to make it clear that I don't think I'm better than anyone, and I'm sure that many of you really do have wonderful ideas... But often with my own projects, making decisions requires knowledge of details I can't reveal, so suggestions for what I should do are usually for really obvious things, or they're incompatible with what I want to do, or what I'm able to do.
I just don't like having to say 'no' all the time, and it's not possible to say 'yes' to everyone.
I get advice about my personal life, too, from people who don't understand how Social Anxiety works... which is difficult to deal with, hmm.
Anyway, I'm glad to be making progress on Miasmon again! I'm hoping to have it done soon... but I've probably been saying that for months.
Getting back to Miasmon...2 weeks ago
◊ Posted by A Pseudolonewolf
A Pseudolonewolf
I've been slowly getting back to work on Miasmon this week. I've yet to get back into a pleasant and productive rhythm, but I'm getting there.
It's so hard to get back into something you've not touched for weeks or months, though, or however long it's been. I don't really feel familiar with it, I've forgotten what I was doing, etc.
I'm at an irritating stage of development which I can't wait to get past, but which is hindering progress a bit; it's like wading through quagmire.
I'm not looking for advice or suggestions as such - I'll say that now, and again at the end of the post, since I've learned I must - but I thought it might help me just to write about it, and it may be interesting to you to hear about how game development works or something like that.
Firstly, I'll describe a bit about Miasmon's plot... Just the stuff you'd see at the intro, in the first five minutes, rather than anything too spoilery.
If knowing even the basics is too much of a spoiler for you though, then I'd suggest you stop reading here...!
The game is set on a world called 'Fracture', which 'sort of exploded' or something and which now looks like chunks of the crust - 'islands' - orbiting a naked core... I've described this elsewhere.
The planet was home to an ancient sentient race when it was intact, but humans have colonised the remains. Some of these humans are curious archaeologists who wish to find out about this ancient race, and what caused Fracture to fracture.
One group of archaeologists call themselves the 'Daring Delvers'. They're led by an ambitious man named Crayden, and his partner, Sienna. They've also enlisted the help of Dr Francis Marmalade, the archaeologist/scientist who discovered the monster-training technology of the ancients and reverse-engineered it for human use.
They're low on members, though, so they send out adverts to human colonies on other worlds, looking for applicants (this is very much a sci-fi setting).
Two young humans from two different colonies sign up for the job; a man named Zaffre and a woman named Cerise. They each have their own reasons for wanting to join the Delvers.
You choose to play as one of them, while the other becomes an NPC involved in the story. Generally speaking, most plot scenes would involve both characters speaking, so it wouldn't matter too much which one you were controlling, though there would be some points where dialogue would be different depending on who you were.
The game begins with your character teleporting to one of Fracture's islands to meet up with the Daring Delvers for the first time, who are currently involved in a dig here, trying to find some ruins...
But the point that's got me stuck is the exact sequence of events that should happen here.
It's annoying, planning stories, since it's easy enough to plan the plot in terms of significant events, but then later on you have to worry about the small, trivial 'eventoids' that join the more important ones together. This has always been a problem for me with my games, and I always end up with some workable solution, but as I mentioned, there is that 'wading through quagmire' feeling about it sometimes.
In this case, the start has these events:
- You arrive on the island.
- You meet with your counterpart (that is, the protagonist you aren't playing as); you're both confused about what's going on and why nobody was here to meet you. You introduce yourselves.
- You find and meet Crayden, who gives some 'so there you are' kind of speechy thing before saying that you'll need to get a monster from Francis before you'll be of any use to anyone.
- You must find Francis, who gives you a Protonculus and explains it, and monsters in general, to you.
- You return to Crayden, who 'tests your skill' by battling against you (having a first, safe battle like this before wandering off into the wild is to be expected, surely).
- You're then left to make your way to the nearby ruins by yourself.
Writing out these events is not difficult, and they've already been decided on for ages. But actually coming up with the details of each one is less easy.
Originally, the island was deserted, except for the Delvers; they'd found a new ruin there that nobody else knew about.
You'd appear on a 'portable transporter' - that is, just a round metal tile thing placed outside in some grassy/sandy patch, rather than in a building or anything - and could wander around briefly, before encountering your counterpart, who was standing in place, blocking the only path forwards... You had to talk to them, and they were the first person you talked to.
However, it could be that the island has a small, backwater village on it, which the Delvers are using as a base; they could have been alerted to the presence of the ruins by a report from one of the villagers. The settlement might have a special sort of 'warport' building in it, which contains the teleporter that you warp in on. You may then be greeted by warport staff, or by some friendly yokel, or by your counterpart. Would the person detect you and talk to you before you can move at all, walking up to you before you're even off the teleporter pad? Or would you have to walk around and find her or him by yourself?
There are similar uncertainties about each of the other steps that I mentioned, too...
I'll decide on something eventually, and I repeat that I'm not looking for people to give suggestions or advice as if I'm blind without their wisdom or whatever...
But maybe this gives you some insight into some of the less thrilling parts of game development.
It's so hard to get back into something you've not touched for weeks or months, though, or however long it's been. I don't really feel familiar with it, I've forgotten what I was doing, etc.
I'm at an irritating stage of development which I can't wait to get past, but which is hindering progress a bit; it's like wading through quagmire.
I'm not looking for advice or suggestions as such - I'll say that now, and again at the end of the post, since I've learned I must - but I thought it might help me just to write about it, and it may be interesting to you to hear about how game development works or something like that.
Firstly, I'll describe a bit about Miasmon's plot... Just the stuff you'd see at the intro, in the first five minutes, rather than anything too spoilery.
If knowing even the basics is too much of a spoiler for you though, then I'd suggest you stop reading here...!
The game is set on a world called 'Fracture', which 'sort of exploded' or something and which now looks like chunks of the crust - 'islands' - orbiting a naked core... I've described this elsewhere.
The planet was home to an ancient sentient race when it was intact, but humans have colonised the remains. Some of these humans are curious archaeologists who wish to find out about this ancient race, and what caused Fracture to fracture.
One group of archaeologists call themselves the 'Daring Delvers'. They're led by an ambitious man named Crayden, and his partner, Sienna. They've also enlisted the help of Dr Francis Marmalade, the archaeologist/scientist who discovered the monster-training technology of the ancients and reverse-engineered it for human use.
They're low on members, though, so they send out adverts to human colonies on other worlds, looking for applicants (this is very much a sci-fi setting).
Two young humans from two different colonies sign up for the job; a man named Zaffre and a woman named Cerise. They each have their own reasons for wanting to join the Delvers.
You choose to play as one of them, while the other becomes an NPC involved in the story. Generally speaking, most plot scenes would involve both characters speaking, so it wouldn't matter too much which one you were controlling, though there would be some points where dialogue would be different depending on who you were.
The game begins with your character teleporting to one of Fracture's islands to meet up with the Daring Delvers for the first time, who are currently involved in a dig here, trying to find some ruins...
But the point that's got me stuck is the exact sequence of events that should happen here.
It's annoying, planning stories, since it's easy enough to plan the plot in terms of significant events, but then later on you have to worry about the small, trivial 'eventoids' that join the more important ones together. This has always been a problem for me with my games, and I always end up with some workable solution, but as I mentioned, there is that 'wading through quagmire' feeling about it sometimes.
In this case, the start has these events:
- You arrive on the island.
- You meet with your counterpart (that is, the protagonist you aren't playing as); you're both confused about what's going on and why nobody was here to meet you. You introduce yourselves.
- You find and meet Crayden, who gives some 'so there you are' kind of speechy thing before saying that you'll need to get a monster from Francis before you'll be of any use to anyone.
- You must find Francis, who gives you a Protonculus and explains it, and monsters in general, to you.
- You return to Crayden, who 'tests your skill' by battling against you (having a first, safe battle like this before wandering off into the wild is to be expected, surely).
- You're then left to make your way to the nearby ruins by yourself.
Writing out these events is not difficult, and they've already been decided on for ages. But actually coming up with the details of each one is less easy.
Originally, the island was deserted, except for the Delvers; they'd found a new ruin there that nobody else knew about.
You'd appear on a 'portable transporter' - that is, just a round metal tile thing placed outside in some grassy/sandy patch, rather than in a building or anything - and could wander around briefly, before encountering your counterpart, who was standing in place, blocking the only path forwards... You had to talk to them, and they were the first person you talked to.
However, it could be that the island has a small, backwater village on it, which the Delvers are using as a base; they could have been alerted to the presence of the ruins by a report from one of the villagers. The settlement might have a special sort of 'warport' building in it, which contains the teleporter that you warp in on. You may then be greeted by warport staff, or by some friendly yokel, or by your counterpart. Would the person detect you and talk to you before you can move at all, walking up to you before you're even off the teleporter pad? Or would you have to walk around and find her or him by yourself?
There are similar uncertainties about each of the other steps that I mentioned, too...
I'll decide on something eventually, and I repeat that I'm not looking for people to give suggestions or advice as if I'm blind without their wisdom or whatever...
But maybe this gives you some insight into some of the less thrilling parts of game development.
Yawn! D:3 weeks ago
◊ Posted by A Pseudolonewolf
A Pseudolonewolf
It's a pain how much sleep affects us! How important getting enough sleep is...
I've been feeling horrible lately... My limbs and eyelids have felt like lead, I keep yawning, losing focus, I can't concentrate, and so on, and it's preventing me from doing the things that I want to do. I've been in poor moods, I keep putting things off, my head aches when I DO try to get around to things...
I've been reading about sleep and its effects on us, and I know now what I can do to fix myself, to feel better. I found some of the things I've read interesting though, so maybe others will benefit from them as well!
Apparently we sleep in cycles... I sort of knew this before, since it's sort of common knowledge, but I wasn't sure about the details.
We go through light sleep, then deep sleep, and finally REM sleep - where we dream - in each cycle. Each type of sleep is important in its own, different ways.
It's best to wake up at the end of a cycle; waking during the deep sleep stage causes us to feel groggy, it takes a while to adapt to the waking world, and we're generally hindered for the rest of the day.
The cycles last around 90 minutes each, and adults such as myself require between 7 and 9 hours of sleep each night.
It's best though to get around 7 and a half hours, or 9 (which are both divisible by 90 minutes), but NOT an amount like just 7 or 8 hours, since then you'd end up awakening during the middle of a cycle rather than at the end of one.
I've been getting less than 7 hours of sleep recently, which is probably what's been causing me to have all the signs and symptoms of sleep deprivation... I also rely on an alarm clock to wake up, and repeatedly press the Snooze button because I'm surely being woken up during the deep sleep stage...
Ugh, it's 5pm at the moment, and I feel like I'm falling asleep as I'm writing this... My limbs feel heavy and I feel sort of detached from reality; my mind is in this weird pinkish haze or something; foggy, mildly confused.
What I need to do is pay off my 'sleep debt', to sleep better and just... sleep in for a few days or something like that. It'll take ages though; I want to just be able to press a button to instantly not feel tired anymore!
I'll go to sleep at the same time every day, but just wake up when my body's ready to rather than setting an alarm. That way, I'll eventually end up in a healthy rhythm... I hope.
Anyway, for those curious about this kind of sleep-related stuff, here's an interesting and relatively accessible article about it: ∞ LINK ∞
Do you get enough sleep, people? It might be interesting to hear how many hours of sleep you get each night. Yes, I'd rather hear about that than receive advice I've not asked for, anyway...!
I've been feeling horrible lately... My limbs and eyelids have felt like lead, I keep yawning, losing focus, I can't concentrate, and so on, and it's preventing me from doing the things that I want to do. I've been in poor moods, I keep putting things off, my head aches when I DO try to get around to things...
I've been reading about sleep and its effects on us, and I know now what I can do to fix myself, to feel better. I found some of the things I've read interesting though, so maybe others will benefit from them as well!
Apparently we sleep in cycles... I sort of knew this before, since it's sort of common knowledge, but I wasn't sure about the details.
We go through light sleep, then deep sleep, and finally REM sleep - where we dream - in each cycle. Each type of sleep is important in its own, different ways.
It's best to wake up at the end of a cycle; waking during the deep sleep stage causes us to feel groggy, it takes a while to adapt to the waking world, and we're generally hindered for the rest of the day.
The cycles last around 90 minutes each, and adults such as myself require between 7 and 9 hours of sleep each night.
It's best though to get around 7 and a half hours, or 9 (which are both divisible by 90 minutes), but NOT an amount like just 7 or 8 hours, since then you'd end up awakening during the middle of a cycle rather than at the end of one.
I've been getting less than 7 hours of sleep recently, which is probably what's been causing me to have all the signs and symptoms of sleep deprivation... I also rely on an alarm clock to wake up, and repeatedly press the Snooze button because I'm surely being woken up during the deep sleep stage...
Ugh, it's 5pm at the moment, and I feel like I'm falling asleep as I'm writing this... My limbs feel heavy and I feel sort of detached from reality; my mind is in this weird pinkish haze or something; foggy, mildly confused.
What I need to do is pay off my 'sleep debt', to sleep better and just... sleep in for a few days or something like that. It'll take ages though; I want to just be able to press a button to instantly not feel tired anymore!
I'll go to sleep at the same time every day, but just wake up when my body's ready to rather than setting an alarm. That way, I'll eventually end up in a healthy rhythm... I hope.
Anyway, for those curious about this kind of sleep-related stuff, here's an interesting and relatively accessible article about it: ∞ LINK ∞
Do you get enough sleep, people? It might be interesting to hear how many hours of sleep you get each night. Yes, I'd rather hear about that than receive advice I've not asked for, anyway...!
Weekly Update3 weeks ago
◊ Posted by A Pseudolonewolf
A Pseudolonewolf
Hello there! I said in the Twitter thing that I'd write a Weekly Update, so here I am, doing so!
Unfortunately though, I've got irritatingly little to report... Over the last few weeks, I've got basically nothing done due to Christmas and the New Year causing me stress, and making me feel unsettled and stuff like that...
Since that's over now, I've wanted to get back to work, but I'm trying to get back into a timetable thing that was working really well for me before, and it's causing difficulties, since my sleeping pattens were disrupted over Christmas, and readjusting your body clock is never easy. I think I'm fully adapted now, but for the last few weeks I've been really tired most of the time, yawning constantly, unable to focus, my eyelids and limbs were extremely heavy, etc, etc...
Excuses, excuses!
Anyway, I'll get back to work on Miasmon tomorrow. There's still an annoying amount of work left to do... and I've not really been eager to get around to it, since it's mostly stuff I have been putting off due to disinterest and the tediousness of it.
I still haven't done any of the music for the game, and I think that's putting me off a lot. I mean, I really like doing the music for my games, and playing them feels so empty without any music. Usually, I'll do at least some of the music early on, since it makes the development from then on a lot more exciting.
But I've been struggling with the Miasmon music for months... I just seem to be having more difficulty getting a Main Theme than I have with my other games. I've tried dozens of times, but nothing sounds exactly right... I know what I want, but it's hard to get it just right.
I'm not looking for advice, and I know what I'm doing; I go through this with music quite often, and always get there eventually, with enough tries... It's just taking longer than usual this time, annoyingly.
Once the Main Theme is in place, the rest should come quite easily though. I could probably finish the whole soundtrack in about a week once I'd got going.
I'm sorry that I don't have anything much to say about game progress... I was making great progress before Christmas though, and want to get back to that, and will, next week!
I HAVE however added some stuff to this site which may be of interest to you.
You can now add additional information to your profile:
You can add your Job... I know that a lot of members are too young to have a job though, so I also added a 'Dream Job' thing, which is the job you'd LIKE to have. This still applies even if you have a job, of course! Things like this say a lot about a person, I think.
You can also add your 'Political Ideology'. I know nothing about politics myself, so this thing is largely useless to me, but I understand that it's important to other people, and says a lot about people.
You can add your academic interests, too. These are your school/university subjects that you study or studied, or which you prefer above others. Are you into Maths and Physics, or History and Literature? These things say a lot about a person too, I think.
I know that the Interests could be used for listing such things, but I think that having this separate section for it will be of interest too.
Finally, I've reintroduced the 'Irregularities' thing from the old site... I know that some people thought it was creepy and awkward, since the idea of even suggesting that anyone is flawed or abnormal in any way is taboo or something. But why should we not acknowledge things that are a massive part of peoples' lives and personalities?
I mean, my Social Anxiety is much of who I am, and it affects how I think and act. By openly mentioning that I have it, I can explain my behaviour better, and maybe even find people with the same issue that I can relate to.
This site has always attracted a lot of people with things like Asperger's too, and since these things are aspects now, I'll be curious about how 'popular' such conditions end up being.
Please use that section only for serious, named conditions though. Being wheelchair-bound, or having Asperger's, is notable, but having a double-jointed thumb or being 'slightly autistic' by your own assessment isn't worth mentioning.
The point of them is to create groups that other people will be a part of, like with all aspects. So if you add Asperger's, then you can see what other people have added Asperger's too from the aspect page. It's unlikely though that multiple people will add specific and trivial things like "sometimes my left shoulder hurts a bit".
Oh, and you can also add or remove Interest-type aspects to your Likes or Hates from their individual aspect pages. This only works with Interests though; not any other kind of aspect.
I hope you enjoy this immensely!!111!1
Unfortunately though, I've got irritatingly little to report... Over the last few weeks, I've got basically nothing done due to Christmas and the New Year causing me stress, and making me feel unsettled and stuff like that...
Since that's over now, I've wanted to get back to work, but I'm trying to get back into a timetable thing that was working really well for me before, and it's causing difficulties, since my sleeping pattens were disrupted over Christmas, and readjusting your body clock is never easy. I think I'm fully adapted now, but for the last few weeks I've been really tired most of the time, yawning constantly, unable to focus, my eyelids and limbs were extremely heavy, etc, etc...
Excuses, excuses!
Anyway, I'll get back to work on Miasmon tomorrow. There's still an annoying amount of work left to do... and I've not really been eager to get around to it, since it's mostly stuff I have been putting off due to disinterest and the tediousness of it.
I still haven't done any of the music for the game, and I think that's putting me off a lot. I mean, I really like doing the music for my games, and playing them feels so empty without any music. Usually, I'll do at least some of the music early on, since it makes the development from then on a lot more exciting.
But I've been struggling with the Miasmon music for months... I just seem to be having more difficulty getting a Main Theme than I have with my other games. I've tried dozens of times, but nothing sounds exactly right... I know what I want, but it's hard to get it just right.
I'm not looking for advice, and I know what I'm doing; I go through this with music quite often, and always get there eventually, with enough tries... It's just taking longer than usual this time, annoyingly.
Once the Main Theme is in place, the rest should come quite easily though. I could probably finish the whole soundtrack in about a week once I'd got going.
I'm sorry that I don't have anything much to say about game progress... I was making great progress before Christmas though, and want to get back to that, and will, next week!
I HAVE however added some stuff to this site which may be of interest to you.
You can now add additional information to your profile:
You can add your Job... I know that a lot of members are too young to have a job though, so I also added a 'Dream Job' thing, which is the job you'd LIKE to have. This still applies even if you have a job, of course! Things like this say a lot about a person, I think.
You can also add your 'Political Ideology'. I know nothing about politics myself, so this thing is largely useless to me, but I understand that it's important to other people, and says a lot about people.
You can add your academic interests, too. These are your school/university subjects that you study or studied, or which you prefer above others. Are you into Maths and Physics, or History and Literature? These things say a lot about a person too, I think.
I know that the Interests could be used for listing such things, but I think that having this separate section for it will be of interest too.
Finally, I've reintroduced the 'Irregularities' thing from the old site... I know that some people thought it was creepy and awkward, since the idea of even suggesting that anyone is flawed or abnormal in any way is taboo or something. But why should we not acknowledge things that are a massive part of peoples' lives and personalities?
I mean, my Social Anxiety is much of who I am, and it affects how I think and act. By openly mentioning that I have it, I can explain my behaviour better, and maybe even find people with the same issue that I can relate to.
This site has always attracted a lot of people with things like Asperger's too, and since these things are aspects now, I'll be curious about how 'popular' such conditions end up being.
Please use that section only for serious, named conditions though. Being wheelchair-bound, or having Asperger's, is notable, but having a double-jointed thumb or being 'slightly autistic' by your own assessment isn't worth mentioning.
The point of them is to create groups that other people will be a part of, like with all aspects. So if you add Asperger's, then you can see what other people have added Asperger's too from the aspect page. It's unlikely though that multiple people will add specific and trivial things like "sometimes my left shoulder hurts a bit".
Oh, and you can also add or remove Interest-type aspects to your Likes or Hates from their individual aspect pages. This only works with Interests though; not any other kind of aspect.
I hope you enjoy this immensely!!111!1
New Year's Resolutions4 weeks ago
◊ Posted by A Pseudolonewolf
A Pseudolonewolf
These are my general goals for this year. I've tried to make them realistic, but time will tell how many of them I can manage.
I hope for this to be a year of big changes, though, rather than yet another year in the same old lonely rut...
These are goals relating to games:
Finish Miasmon Part 1, definitely
This is something that I really MUST do, and soon, I hope. I've been working on it for too long as it is, and I really want to see it released.
Finish Miasmon Part 2, ideally
Once part 1 is done, part 2 won't be too difficult since it'll require only relatively minor additions to the already existing engine and content. It should only take a fraction of the time to complete.
Finish Miasmon Part 3, hopefully
Again, part 3 should be fairly quick, but it may still be unrealistic to expect it to be finished this year too.
Finish Miasmon Part 4, maybe?!
It'd be great if I could get all four parts of Miasmon done and released in a single year, but don't get your hopes up. The sponsorship alone for each chapter will probably take up loads of time.
Finish Chamaeleon
This is a game I worked on relatively recently, which is almost done. It just needs a bit more work, but I was working on it with Firequill and emotion-based things came up that prevented us from seeing it through to the end... It would be nice to have it out of the way soon, though.
Decide what to do with 'Marooned'
I also started a text-based game thing recently, which I mentioned in the same blog post that I mentioned Chamaeleon in, but again, I got almost, but not quite, to the point of completion. Maybe I'll release it in some form, either sponsored or not, or at least scrap it and upload what I DID make rather than leaving it in some kind of purgatory for years.
Beast Signer?
This is something that I want to talk about in another post soon. It'll be a big game - probably Beast Signer, though I could also play around with the setting to create something new - where you catch and train monsters, etc, but it could only be played on this site, and would update in parts (like a new monster being added every day, a new area each week, etc) rather than being released when it was finished. It'd be a constantly growing world, rather than a standalone story; sort of like a single-player MMO, I suppose.
It's something I've wanted to do for years, and I feel now I have enough skill to pull it off.
You may notice that I haven't mentioned MARDEK 4... I have been feeling interested in it lately, but I don't want to mention it as a goal because I can't promise that I'll work on it soon. If I have the time and the motivation, I might, but for now it's very much something I'm unsure about.
I mean, I want to get to it eventually, but I'm just not sure when.
These are personal goals:
Decide what to do with my future...
I currently have no real proper job and I live with my parents; my life has direction in that I make games, but my life outside my computer is full of uncertainties.
I've been thinking about whether I'll go to university, though my thoughts are vague and unsure. I hope by the end of the year to have either started with big life changes, or to at least have made plans concerning them.
Overcome my anxiety significantly...
I have 'Social Anxiety Disorder', which is crippling; it's the reason I have no job and live with my parents, since interacting with others or even stepping outside the house is something I really can't do very well at all. It goes beyond 'shyness'; it's a panic-attack-inducing phobia.
I'm doing a cognitive behavioural therapy course thing at the moment to help overcome this anxiety, so I'm hoping to see results. It'd be nice if by the end of the year, I could comfortably go outside without constantly worrying about having a panic attack (and feeling the physical effects of one happening), and to be able to use the phone or buy stuff from shops; things Normal People do without any thought.
Make friends?
I have no friends at the moment, in person, and this leaves me very lonely. It'd be nice to have at least one person to spend real-world time with by the end of the year.
It's not that nobody wants to be my friend; I'm just very picky about who I want to be friends with, since I want people I can really get along with and who I can meet in person and stuff, rather than just friendly people who want to be nice to me, since I'd find such 'friendships' difficult and undesirable due to my aforementioned disorder.
I want to find people I'd want to spend time with, rather than who I'd have to spend time with.
Increase my art skills!
My aim is to fill maybe two sketchbooks. I filled one this year, so I aim to double that.
I'm doing tutorials to learn how to draw the human figure, so I hope to be done with them soon (there are hundreds), and hope by the end of the year to be able to draw humans without too much difficulty or stress.
Learn Japanese!
I've been trying to learn Japanese recently. I've made some progress, and can understand the very basics and read Japanese writing, but I'm not yet knowledgeable enough to have even a basic conversation or read a book in it. I've only been trying for like two or three weeks.
My goal by the end of the year is to be able to play something like Pokemon Green, in Japanese, and to be able to actually understand what's going on as I do so.
Become comfortable on community sites...
At the moment, I am terrified of even looking at sites such as Facebook, or other forums... Again, it's based on my anxiety, but also things like loneliness and general awkwardness; I don't like seeing people being all happy and huggy and chummy with their many friends since I have none, and I worry too much about doing things wrong or not being accepted... I also don't really want to see the real life appearances of 13-year-old boys who friend me on Facebook, through their photos, and I'm scared too of encountering people from my past...
If by the end of the year I could comfortably look at such sites, be active on them (not necessarily Facebook, but any online community, like an anxiety-based forum I joined but am too scared and jealous to be active in or even look at), and so on, then I feel like it would improve my life in a lot of ways.
It won't be easy though...
Be able to look at the art of artists more skilled than myself.
I'm at a stage with my art where I'm quite aware of how much further I have to go before I can draw fluently and impressively. Yes, yes, I know people try to reassure me that my art isn't bad, but even though it's not as bad as can be, I DO have a long way to go before I can achieve what many people on sites like deviantART can.
I'm naturally jealous and self-deprecating, so when I see people drawing better than I can, I feel bad about my own abilities and am put off drawing as a result; I just look at the scribbles I produce when I try, and how poor they are compared to the skilled artists' art, and feel upset and stop drawing... So, I tend to avoid looking at art in general. If I don't see it, it can't make me feel bad!
That's not a good way to be though, and it has been causing problems for me. This is something I'll need to gradually overcome.
So my goal by the end of the year is to be able to look at such art in an inspiring rather than intimidating way; learning from it rather than just becoming envious.
Stick to a timetable!
My productivity is massively increased by ordering my time sensibly, working only at certain hours, etc. I've been doing this recently, and doing it relatively well, but I want it to be very ingrained so that I naturally work by some timetable rather than constantly slipping out of the rhythm of things.
So yes, those are my New Year's Resolutions. Perhaps they're very specific and abnormal, not the typical 'lose weight' or 'be a better person' sorts of things.
I'm hoping and aiming to achieve them all, but even just achieving one or two would be great.
I hope for this to be a year of big changes, though, rather than yet another year in the same old lonely rut...
These are goals relating to games:
Finish Miasmon Part 1, definitely
This is something that I really MUST do, and soon, I hope. I've been working on it for too long as it is, and I really want to see it released.Finish Miasmon Part 2, ideally
Once part 1 is done, part 2 won't be too difficult since it'll require only relatively minor additions to the already existing engine and content. It should only take a fraction of the time to complete.Finish Miasmon Part 3, hopefully
Again, part 3 should be fairly quick, but it may still be unrealistic to expect it to be finished this year too.Finish Miasmon Part 4, maybe?!
It'd be great if I could get all four parts of Miasmon done and released in a single year, but don't get your hopes up. The sponsorship alone for each chapter will probably take up loads of time.Finish Chamaeleon
This is a game I worked on relatively recently, which is almost done. It just needs a bit more work, but I was working on it with Firequill and emotion-based things came up that prevented us from seeing it through to the end... It would be nice to have it out of the way soon, though.Decide what to do with 'Marooned'
I also started a text-based game thing recently, which I mentioned in the same blog post that I mentioned Chamaeleon in, but again, I got almost, but not quite, to the point of completion. Maybe I'll release it in some form, either sponsored or not, or at least scrap it and upload what I DID make rather than leaving it in some kind of purgatory for years.Beast Signer?
This is something that I want to talk about in another post soon. It'll be a big game - probably Beast Signer, though I could also play around with the setting to create something new - where you catch and train monsters, etc, but it could only be played on this site, and would update in parts (like a new monster being added every day, a new area each week, etc) rather than being released when it was finished. It'd be a constantly growing world, rather than a standalone story; sort of like a single-player MMO, I suppose.It's something I've wanted to do for years, and I feel now I have enough skill to pull it off.
You may notice that I haven't mentioned MARDEK 4... I have been feeling interested in it lately, but I don't want to mention it as a goal because I can't promise that I'll work on it soon. If I have the time and the motivation, I might, but for now it's very much something I'm unsure about.
I mean, I want to get to it eventually, but I'm just not sure when.
These are personal goals:
Decide what to do with my future...
I currently have no real proper job and I live with my parents; my life has direction in that I make games, but my life outside my computer is full of uncertainties.I've been thinking about whether I'll go to university, though my thoughts are vague and unsure. I hope by the end of the year to have either started with big life changes, or to at least have made plans concerning them.
Overcome my anxiety significantly...
I have 'Social Anxiety Disorder', which is crippling; it's the reason I have no job and live with my parents, since interacting with others or even stepping outside the house is something I really can't do very well at all. It goes beyond 'shyness'; it's a panic-attack-inducing phobia.I'm doing a cognitive behavioural therapy course thing at the moment to help overcome this anxiety, so I'm hoping to see results. It'd be nice if by the end of the year, I could comfortably go outside without constantly worrying about having a panic attack (and feeling the physical effects of one happening), and to be able to use the phone or buy stuff from shops; things Normal People do without any thought.
Make friends?
I have no friends at the moment, in person, and this leaves me very lonely. It'd be nice to have at least one person to spend real-world time with by the end of the year.It's not that nobody wants to be my friend; I'm just very picky about who I want to be friends with, since I want people I can really get along with and who I can meet in person and stuff, rather than just friendly people who want to be nice to me, since I'd find such 'friendships' difficult and undesirable due to my aforementioned disorder.
I want to find people I'd want to spend time with, rather than who I'd have to spend time with.
Increase my art skills!
My aim is to fill maybe two sketchbooks. I filled one this year, so I aim to double that.I'm doing tutorials to learn how to draw the human figure, so I hope to be done with them soon (there are hundreds), and hope by the end of the year to be able to draw humans without too much difficulty or stress.
Learn Japanese!
I've been trying to learn Japanese recently. I've made some progress, and can understand the very basics and read Japanese writing, but I'm not yet knowledgeable enough to have even a basic conversation or read a book in it. I've only been trying for like two or three weeks.My goal by the end of the year is to be able to play something like Pokemon Green, in Japanese, and to be able to actually understand what's going on as I do so.
Become comfortable on community sites...
At the moment, I am terrified of even looking at sites such as Facebook, or other forums... Again, it's based on my anxiety, but also things like loneliness and general awkwardness; I don't like seeing people being all happy and huggy and chummy with their many friends since I have none, and I worry too much about doing things wrong or not being accepted... I also don't really want to see the real life appearances of 13-year-old boys who friend me on Facebook, through their photos, and I'm scared too of encountering people from my past...If by the end of the year I could comfortably look at such sites, be active on them (not necessarily Facebook, but any online community, like an anxiety-based forum I joined but am too scared and jealous to be active in or even look at), and so on, then I feel like it would improve my life in a lot of ways.
It won't be easy though...
Be able to look at the art of artists more skilled than myself.
I'm at a stage with my art where I'm quite aware of how much further I have to go before I can draw fluently and impressively. Yes, yes, I know people try to reassure me that my art isn't bad, but even though it's not as bad as can be, I DO have a long way to go before I can achieve what many people on sites like deviantART can.I'm naturally jealous and self-deprecating, so when I see people drawing better than I can, I feel bad about my own abilities and am put off drawing as a result; I just look at the scribbles I produce when I try, and how poor they are compared to the skilled artists' art, and feel upset and stop drawing... So, I tend to avoid looking at art in general. If I don't see it, it can't make me feel bad!
That's not a good way to be though, and it has been causing problems for me. This is something I'll need to gradually overcome.
So my goal by the end of the year is to be able to look at such art in an inspiring rather than intimidating way; learning from it rather than just becoming envious.
Stick to a timetable!
My productivity is massively increased by ordering my time sensibly, working only at certain hours, etc. I've been doing this recently, and doing it relatively well, but I want it to be very ingrained so that I naturally work by some timetable rather than constantly slipping out of the rhythm of things.So yes, those are my New Year's Resolutions. Perhaps they're very specific and abnormal, not the typical 'lose weight' or 'be a better person' sorts of things.
I'm hoping and aiming to achieve them all, but even just achieving one or two would be great.
Less than a year left to live now!14 weeks ago
◊ Posted by A Pseudolonewolf
A Pseudolonewolf
Yes, we'll all be dead by the end of this twenty twelfth year, since an ancient, relatively primitive culture's calendar sort of suggested it maybe. What more evidence do you need?!? Live this year to the fullest, since it will surely be our last!!1
Clearly I'm writing this from my iPatch at some extremely wild party with all my legions of lovely friends, while drinking copious amounts of alcohol and... doing... lots of illegal drugs. And women. Them too. Illegal women. Yes, I am quite the outgoing fellow and that is exactly what I am doing, rather than sitting at my computer feeling annoyed at the loud bangs and cheering outside.
2011 seems like it was a bit of a waste... I started a lot but finished little. I'm hoping that 2012 will be a year of finishing things off and getting into a more secure way of making money and stuff.
I've got some New Year's Resolutions planned out, which I'll write about very shortly!
Anyway, some of you had this temporal transition hours ago, but The Americans haven't had it yet, so of course it's not properly the New Year until they do, right?!
Clearly I'm writing this from my iPatch at some extremely wild party with all my legions of lovely friends, while drinking copious amounts of alcohol and... doing... lots of illegal drugs. And women. Them too. Illegal women. Yes, I am quite the outgoing fellow and that is exactly what I am doing, rather than sitting at my computer feeling annoyed at the loud bangs and cheering outside.
2011 seems like it was a bit of a waste... I started a lot but finished little. I'm hoping that 2012 will be a year of finishing things off and getting into a more secure way of making money and stuff.
I've got some New Year's Resolutions planned out, which I'll write about very shortly!
Anyway, some of you had this temporal transition hours ago, but The Americans haven't had it yet, so of course it's not properly the New Year until they do, right?!
32 Comments
Categories:
Special Days
What am I doing?!1 month ago
◊ Posted by A Pseudolonewolf
A Pseudolonewolf
Hello there. Christmas is over now, and this makes me glad; I'd been tense and anxious about it for a while, so I suppose that now that that's gone, I can start trying to relax again. Trying!
I haven't actually make any progress on Miasmon for the last week, or maybe two weeks? I can't remember. It's because of the time of year; I just haven't felt 'stable' enough to concentrate on getting work done.
I'm going to continue not working on it until after the new year, in order to calm down; I still feel a bit shaken, and feel I need a break in order to get things back on track again. My sleeping times are also drifting further and further away from where I want them to be, so I feel I need to correct that before getting back to work.
I've not drawn another Miasmon Bestiary Entry for the same reasons, but I have been drawing at all, and intend to get back to that soon! The next one I have to draw is rather boring though, and not easy to draw, which has been sort of putting me off.
Anyway, yes, I just wanted to say that I'm still alive, and I'll get back to being your game slave soon, but for now I'm having some time off. Yes. Good.
I haven't actually make any progress on Miasmon for the last week, or maybe two weeks? I can't remember. It's because of the time of year; I just haven't felt 'stable' enough to concentrate on getting work done.
I'm going to continue not working on it until after the new year, in order to calm down; I still feel a bit shaken, and feel I need a break in order to get things back on track again. My sleeping times are also drifting further and further away from where I want them to be, so I feel I need to correct that before getting back to work.
I've not drawn another Miasmon Bestiary Entry for the same reasons, but I have been drawing at all, and intend to get back to that soon! The next one I have to draw is rather boring though, and not easy to draw, which has been sort of putting me off.
Anyway, yes, I just wanted to say that I'm still alive, and I'll get back to being your game slave soon, but for now I'm having some time off. Yes. Good.
It's Christmas1 month ago
◊ Posted by A Pseudolonewolf
A Pseudolonewolf
Today is the day when we acknowledge the birth of the Christ twins, Father Christmas and Jesus Christ. I hope you've all made a goat sacrifice or two!
I'm just feeling tense and anxious and want it it be over quickly, but hopefully the rest of you will enjoy it more than I do. Merry Christmas and all that.
Though I'm not really excited about Christmas anymore, it does seem to have a lot of Significance and emotional weight in my mind, so it sort of surprises me seeing the websites I visit once a day not having any particular acknowledgement of it, just updating as usual, or seeing people being active here. I suppose I expect everything to just go quiet and dead and for everyone to make a big deal of it?
I don't though, so maybe other people don't either.
Actually, damn, I should have done something with the site! I have in previous years, I think. Things like adding snow or changing background colours or adding tinsel or things like that. The thought never occurred to me this year until now, but it's too late. Oh well.
I'm just feeling tense and anxious and want it it be over quickly, but hopefully the rest of you will enjoy it more than I do. Merry Christmas and all that.
Though I'm not really excited about Christmas anymore, it does seem to have a lot of Significance and emotional weight in my mind, so it sort of surprises me seeing the websites I visit once a day not having any particular acknowledgement of it, just updating as usual, or seeing people being active here. I suppose I expect everything to just go quiet and dead and for everyone to make a big deal of it?
I don't though, so maybe other people don't either.
Actually, damn, I should have done something with the site! I have in previous years, I think. Things like adding snow or changing background colours or adding tinsel or things like that. The thought never occurred to me this year until now, but it's too late. Oh well.
32 Comments
Categories:
Special Days